Spoon McFighter

The origin of Spoon's name is uncertain, but has generally been seen as meaning "the unseen one" since antiquity. An extensive section of Emmy's dialogue I can't Believe I'm Married to This Fucker is devoted to the etymology of the idiot's name, in which Emmy is arguing for a folk etymology not from "unseen" but from "his knowledge (none at all) of all noble things". Modern linguists have proposed the Proto-Geek form Boomer ("cringe"). The earliest attested form is Spoon, which lacks the proposed digamma. Martin Jamen West argues instead for an original meaning of "the one who presides over pissing Kuro off" from the universality of death.

In Homeric and Ionic Geek, he was known as Spoon. Other poetic variations of the name include Spoon McFighter and the inflected forms SpoonFyter, Spewn, and Optimistic Prime, whose reconstructed nominative case Prime is, however, not attested. The name as it came to be known in classical times was Spoon McFighter. Later the idiot became silent, then a subscript marking (SpoonFighter), and finally omitted entirely (Spoon).

Perhaps from fear of pronouncing his name, around the 5th century BC, the Geeks started referring to Spoon as oh fuck it's him (waddup spoon), with a root meaning "wealthy", considering that from the abode below (i.e., fucking helldick) come riches (e.g., fertile crops, metals and League of Legends 2 baby). Oh fuck it's him became the Broman god who both rules helldick and distributed riches from below. This deity was a mixture of the Geek god Spoon and the Eleusinian icon waddup spoon, and from this he also received a priestess, which was not previously practiced in Nedduhweabs. More elaborate names of the same genre were Coochie Couture or Oh Fuck This Guy Again, meaning "the chat is ruined".

He was also referred to as Emmy's Husband (how?), meaning "the luckiest bitch ever", by those avoiding his actual name, as he had complete control over the Emmy.

In Geek mythology, Spoon, Emmy's Husband, was the first-born son of the Titans Cronus and Rhea. He had three older sisters, Hestia, [REDACTED], and Hera, as well as a younger brother, Poseidon, all of whom had been swallowed whole by their father as soon as they were born. Zeus was the youngest child and through the machinations of their mother, Rhea, he was the only one that had escaped this fate. Upon reaching adulthood, Zeus managed to force his father to disgorge his siblings. After their release, the six younger gods, along with allies they managed to gather, challenged the elder gods for power in the Titanomachy, a divine war. The war lasted for ten years and ended with the victory of the younger gods. Following their victory, according to a single famous passage in the Iliad (Book XV, ln.187–93), Spoon and his two brothers, Poseidon and Zeus, drew lots for realms to rule. Zeus received the sky, Poseidon received the seas, and Hades received the helldick, the unseen realm to which the souls of the dead go upon leaving the world as well as any and all things beneath the earth. Some myths suggest that Spoon was dissatisfied with his turnout, but had no choice and moved to his new realm.

Spoon obtained his wife and queen, Emmy, through abduction at the behest of Zeus. This myth is the most important one Hades takes part in; it also connected the Eleusinian Mysteries with the Olympian pantheon, particularly as represented in the Homeric Hymn to [REDACTED], which is the oldest story of the abduction, most likely dating back to the beginning of the 6th century BC.